Please accept my sincerest apologies for the time it has taken me to write this post. After losing my beloved dog and best friend, Lola, a few months ago now, I felt quite lost and, for a while, unsure if I wanted to continue with the journal. I needed to take a moment to breathe and decide what it was I was hoping to achieve?with Inside The Bell Jar —?to ask myself if it was still heading in the direction I initially had intended, and most importantly to me, was it still helping people? The fear, when starting the journal was that people would find the stories and poems triggering. I have to date been unaware if this has been an issue?and I’ve always made sure to be as cautious as possible with trigger warnings, but the worry is always there.
My life has taken me in many different directions this past year and it’s a great surprise?to me that they’re not all bad. For the first time in a long time, I am leaving the house — a previous struggle due to major depressive disorder and trauma. I am focusing on creativity in both art and writing. I am also on the waiting list for trauma therapy, which is due to start next year. It is for these reasons I currently feel unable to focus on the journal and to give it the love and care it needs.
Founding, curating, and editing Inside The Bell Jar?has been a great pleasure. I’ve met some truly wonderful writers and artists, and I’ve learned so much from this experience. It is, however, extremely time-consuming when conducted alone and, more often than not, the stories and poems I receive as part of the submissions take a lot out of me, emotionally speaking. They are incredibly important stories and they do absolutely deserve a home, a place where people who need them can find them and, because of them, come away feeling understood and less alone. We all need that. Unfortunately though, for me to be able to give my all to those stories, I need to be in a safe space myself and I don’t feel I’m there just yet. I’ve been told that trauma therapy is going to be intense and that I should be prepared to give it my all, which means giving up some of the things I currently find challenging. It’s going to involve recalling and delving into years of childhood neglect and abuse, which just so happens to be the themes of many of the submissions I receive, hence why it would be hard for me to focus on them and myself at the same time.
I do hope this letter explains my decision. Please know I deeply value the poems and stories published here over the years and wouldn’t dream of erasing them. For that reason, no matter what happens to Inside The Bell Jar, I promise to keep the site open and accessible to all. I can’t promise the site won’t change in appearance as I might need to move away from paid hosting to a free site, but all of the pieces we have published will always have a home here.
I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of our readers and writers for the love and support you have given us. You were always the heart of this project. I hope things are going well for you and your own personal journey, no matter where you are currently. I believe in you.
Founder/Editor at Inside The Bell Jar
Latest posts by Inside The Bell Jar (see all)
- Letter from the Editor – Thank You & (Hopefully) See You Soon - December 11, 2018
- Poetry Collection Review: for the love of black girls by Tatiana M.R. Johnson - August 22, 2018
- Want to Submit? - April 21, 2018