Recovery by Amy Deakin

Trigger Warning: Eating Disorders

is the drip, drip, drip
of full-fat milk
pouring over your full-fat cereal
because it tastes good,
but not as good as

eating with a friend
in a restaurant full of strangers,
and letting cream drip on your napkin
because you did not choose the lowest calorie option on the menu.

Recovery is re-learning how to run
not because you have to
but because it’s fun
to outpace your demons,
to act without reason.
Recovery is learning
how to arrest your own policemen.

Because it’s a political act,
to peel back
the layers of diet culture like the
six jumpers you once wore to bed
just to stop yourself shivering.
Read between the headlines
like you once read nutritional labels.

So put self-compassion on speaker.
Tear down the collage of comments
that were made in your childhood.
Crack open old craft boxes,
crayons and glitter

as you scrawl over the yellow wallpaper
you once shrank into, draw until the
whole house is full of
you.

Amy Deakin

Amy Deakin

Amy Deakin is a South West London performance poet and writer who enjoys inflicting poetry upon the unwary. She can be found at various open mic venues and recently published her debut poetry collection, Morden and Other Tourist Destinations (William Cornelius Harris Publishing).
Amy Deakin

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